mary anne em radmacher 

It is a story that follows and it is an offer, both. If you are not inclined to pursue a process with me you can save yourself some time by moving forward from the many words that follow.

It happened again last night. I was engaged in stimulating conversation with friends. The habit of people saying that they are "fine" when they are not became topical. The truer response would be "I've got something on my mind that I don't want to talk about right now." I wondered aloud if telling people that you are fine when clearly something is out of kilter is a form of gaslighting one's own self. Then, it happened. The stories. The things that I knew as a child that the adults attempted to dissuade me from. "No, she's not sick." "No, we are not arguing." No, you're not in trouble." I knew what I saw and felt. Children know so much more than many adults give credence to. And telling a child, or anyone, that what they are feeling isn't real, is not a courtesy. It teaches to second guess their own awareness.

The stories. This time. And this time. And this time. And I managed to stop myself.

I'll tell you straight up. I'm sick of inadvertently blathering those tired old stories. They truly are baggage I'm tired of carrying. And maybe those who love me find some level of interest the first time they hear it. But same song, umpteenth verse is tiring to me, it's gotta be tiring to my dear ones.

I usually teach what I know. That seems to have an integrity that I am comfortable with. I've spent the bulk of my life attempting to embrace the truth of Joseph Campbell's sentiment, "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are."

This year's iDecide365 subscription group is unlike anything I've endeavored. It's not a system that I've developed, created competency and am qualified to teach. I want to bring generative, fresh, invigorating stories into my days. It's a profoundly personal aspiration. I want to lessen the impact of those old, sad, broken stories that appear at a trigger. They no longer serve me (and perhaps they never did). The whole thing feels both exciting and undeniably vulnerable.

THE MORE YOU THE BETTER. In a learning community, exploring the way to a more actualized, authentic expression of self. I am not looking back and offering a predictable, solid curriculum. I am engaging with a learning community, practicing openheartedness and sharing a road toward a greater, more genuine daily experience. It feels that I've spent the bulk of my life getting ready for this particular pursuit.

If this draws you, if you feel willing to at the very least read a short, daily essay with a prompt and a question and, at mostcomment, share and, to engage with a small, private group of individuals wanting to embark on a more intentional relationship with self, consider subscribing to this process.

This is not a blinking lights, glitzy process announcement. It's kind of a love letter. Both to myself and you. I want to eliminate or reduce the things that inhibit my most, truest me and I offer you the opportunity to come alongside. The cost ($383) is an investment in my writing life and your exploration life. If you have questions, send me a message through maryanneradmacher.net

If you've read this much and this far, thank you. Even if you don't subscribe, I hope the concept itself has inspired you on your own journey of inquiry.